What is a Respectful Approach? And Why is it Not Permissive Parenting?
To some, respectful parenting may seem like a modern parenting trend, and many still don’t know what to imagine under this term. It often happens that this approach is misunderstood and confused with so-called permissive parenting. This is incorrectly interpreted as a situation where children can do whatever they want, have no boundaries, and there is a fear of what they will become as a result.
In this article, I would like to explain what a respectful approach truly means, how it differs from permissive parenting, and provide specific examples of how to approach children so that they grow into confident and kind individuals who behave with respect towards others, animals, objects, and most importantly, themselves.
What is a Respectful Approach?
A respectful approach to parenting is based on mutual respect between children and adults. It means perceiving the child as an equal human being with their own needs, emotions, and opinions. However, the term „equal human being“ does not imply that a child has the same rights as an adult. It means that a child also has their own needs, emotions, and opinions, which should be acknowledged and considered rather than overlooked or dismissed.
Ignoring these aspects can lead to a child growing up without the ability to express their opinions, or conversely, someone who refrains from expressing their opinions out of fear of rejection. In more temperamental individuals, this can manifest as a compulsion to assert their opinions aggressively. Thus, a respectful approach helps build healthy self-confidence and the ability to communicate openly and non-violently.
Healthy Boundary Setting
A respectful approach also aids in setting healthy boundaries, promoting dialogue and collaborative problem-solving instead of authoritative commands and punishments, thereby teaching children how to negotiate effectively and respect others. It provides them with the space to explore and develop independently, which strengthens their self-confidence and their ability to take responsibility for their actions. Through a respectful approach, children learn empathy, which helps them better understand themselves and others.
It is a form of preparation for their future, helping them become balanced, responsible, and confident adults who will be capable of forming healthy relationships and facing life’s challenges.
A respectful approach does not mean that a child always gets everything they want or that their desires outweigh the rules and needs of the family or group.
On the contrary, this approach teaches children that respect is mutual—just as parents respect the child, the child learns to respect others.
A respectful approach is not permissive parenting!
One common misconception is that a respectful approach is the same as permissive parenting. However, these are two entirely different concepts:
Permissive Parenting: This approach is based on the belief that a child should be completely free, without restrictions and rules, to fully develop their natural abilities. The adult acts more as an observer rather than an active guide.
Respectful Approach: On the contrary, it combines freedom with clearly defined boundaries. The child is given the opportunity to choose and enjoy freedom within certain rules, which provide a sense of security and teach responsibility.
For example: When a child doesn’t want to go to bed, a respectful approach doesn’t opt for permissive parenting („Okay, you can go to bed whenever you want.“), but rather seeks dialogue: „I understand that you don’t want to sleep yet, but your body needs rest. Would you like to choose whether we read a book first or sing a song?“
How can you apply a respectful approach to children?
- CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Instead of: „Calm down and stop yelling!“
Try: „I see that something upset you. Do you want to tell me about it?“
The child learns to express their emotions and solve problems with words rather than reacting impulsively.
- SETTING BOUNDARIES:
Instead of: „You need to clean your room right now!“
Try: „Your room needs to be cleaned. Do you want to start now, or after dinner?“
The child gains a sense of autonomy while also understanding that the task must be completed.
- SUPPORT FOR INDEPENDENCE
The child will acquire new skills and gain confidence in their abilities.
- SOLVING MISTAKES
Instead of: „That’s wrong, do it again!“
Try: „Let’s try it together one more time. What do you think you could do differently?“
The child learns that mistakes are natural and serve as a way to learn.
Why choose a respectful approach? A respectful approach helps children feel accepted and loved for who they are. At the same time, it teaches them responsibility and independence. Research shows that children who grow up in a respectful environment:
- They have higher self-esteem.
- They handle conflicts and stressful situations better.
- They develop empathy.
- They develop the ability to listen to others.
- They have healthier relationships with both parents and peers.
How to start practicing a respectful approach?
Listen and take the child seriously:
When your child comes to you with a problem, such as not wanting to clean up their toys, instead of saying „Do it now,“ try: „I see that you don’t want to. What if we do it together?“
When the child is crying or angry, try saying: „I see you’re upset. Do you want to tell me what happened?“ This helps the child recognize and express emotions.
Find solutions together:
If the child refuses to eat vegetables, try asking: „What if we pick together which vegetable you’d like to try today?“
Involve them when planning the weekend:
„What would you like to do over the weekend? We’d like to go for a walk, what would you like to do?“
Set clear and kind boundaries:
If the child wants to stay up longer, you can say: „I understand you want to keep playing. But your body needs rest to have energy for tomorrow. You can choose if you’d like to read a book or just talk before bed.“
For younger children, set boundaries visually, like using pictures to represent the daily routine.
Be an example:
If you want the child to apologize when they make a mistake, show it with your own behavior. For example: „I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier. I had a bad day, but that’s not your fault.“
Respect their personal space:
When they want to be alone, don’t push them, but give them time and space.
A respectful approach is not about letting children have everything they want. It’s about how you speak to them, how you involve them in solving situations, and how you show them that respect is mutual.
A respectful approach is not about giving the child complete freedom without rules. It’s about finding a balance between freedom and responsibility, between understanding and guidance. This approach is based on the belief that children deserve to be respected as full individuals – just like we adults.
A respectful approach is not about „easier“ or „less demanding“ parenting. On the contrary, it requires more patience, empathy, and a willingness from adults to search for common solutions. However, the results are worth it – harmonious relationships, confident children, and a happier family.
I support a compassionate approach to children and focus on creating a safe and stimulating environment where they can grow and develop their full potential.
Podporuji laskavý přístup k dětem a zaměřuji se na vytváření bezpečného a podnětného prostředí, kde mohou růst a rozvíjet svůj plný potenciál.